In a recent conversation on the Innovative Leadership podcast, Jarad Bowens touched on something most leaders run into at some point, even if they don’t always name it directly. How do you stand firm in a difficult conversation without turning it into a fight, and without backing off just to keep the room comfortable?
When the stakes are high and people care deeply about the outcome, it can feel easier to soften the message or move past the friction. What makes it more complicated is that the conversations we often avoid are usually the ones that could actually help advance the work.
Healthy conflict is not the problem. Avoidance usually is. And leaders who learn how to navigate disagreement well often find their relationships get stronger, not weaker. The goal is to build trust, and that takes intentional effort.
Standing Firm Without Becoming Confrontational
One of the more nuanced skills in leadership is holding your ground without raising the temperature in the room. Jarad described it as not being so confrontational that the conversation turns into an argument, and not being so cordial that you quietly give up your position. That’s where it gets tricky.
You see this when expectations drift, or priorities don’t quite align. The easy move is accommodation. You minimize the perceived risk to maintain smooth progress. However, a successful long-term partnership or collaboration relies on clear communication. Continuously glossing over disagreements can lead to issues reemerging later, and at a higher cost.
Internally, it shows up when teams disagree or are misaligned on strategy. At some point, someone has to say, I see it differently, and here’s why. The key is doing that without making it personal. Standing firm is less about force and more about being clear about what you believe and why.
The Cost of Backing Down for Comfort
Harmony doesn’t necessarily equate to health. If things look calm on the surface, it might feel like everything is working. But if people are backing down just to keep the peace, you usually pay for it later. The issue returns, frustration builds beneath the surface, and confidence in decision-making begins to erode. People can sense when something is off.
One of the podcast conversations was about not sacrificing your position just to avoid tension. That applies whether you are navigating budget constraints, personnel decisions, or a strategic shift. Eventually, the tradeoffs become clear. Don’t delay or soften difficult conversations. Hit them head-on with intentionality, respect, and honesty. At the end of the day, these are people issues, and they can show up anywhere in our lives.
Emotional Regulation Is a Leadership Advantage
Part of this comes down to emotional regulation. Conflicts become unhealthy when emotions escalate. Jarad was candid about having to manage himself in those moments, and everyone will have their own methods. Whether it’s simply breathing through it or slowing down and choosing words carefully, recognizing tension and managing your emotions are indicators of a mature leader.
When someone challenges a decision in front of the team, the ability to stay steady leads to better outcomes. Emotional control is not about suppressing how you feel; it’s about not letting your feelings run the meeting. Humans will have strong emotions from time to time. Leaders navigate them with grace, maturity, and productivity.
Engaging Tough Conversations Without Letting Them Devolve
Jarad also emphasized the importance of having deep, rational, civil conversations about how to move forward, especially with people who see it differently. It's easier said than done, so let's look a little deeper at that.
Healthy conflict usually involves naming the issue clearly, acknowledging different perspectives, being honest about what is non-negotiable, and then exploring where there is room to adjust. It stays focused on outcomes people share, because we often disagree on how to get there.
Unhealthy conflict tends to drift into personal attacks, avoidance, side conversations, or quiet resistance. The friction moves away from the work and onto the people. This isn’t to suggest that leaders can’t feel upset, unhappy, or have disagreements; it’s simply about how they manage those emotions and avoid casting judgment.
In our world, whether that’s with clients or internally, misalignment is not necessarily failure. It’s feedback. It tells you something needs to be clarified. Healthy disagreements indicate a strong and functional team. It shows that issues are actually rising to the surface and being discussed in a mature and productive way. People aren’t stepping on eggshells to cater to the emotions of someone who can’t keep their emotions in check.
Conflict as a Catalyst for Progress
Jarad used an analogy about paving a road. Before you get the smooth surface, you have to dig up the rough ground. This involves revealing the uneven parts and addressing what lies beneath. Leadership works in a similar way. The uncomfortable conversations are often the ones that clarify direction, expose risks you could not see, align expectations, and strengthen execution.
Avoiding them may preserve short-term comfort. It rarely improves long-term performance.
Applying This to Client and Team Dynamics
You can see this in a few common arenas. With clients, strong partnerships are built on honesty. If goals or expectations diverge, silence does not protect the relationship. A candid conversation, handled well, usually does. It shows that you value the best outcome, even if your methods differ.
Inside teams, disagreement is often a sign of engagement. The role of leadership is not to eliminate it, but to channel it toward better execution. Keep it focused on the work, not the ego. You might even feel a sense of relief after some of those tough conversations (I personally like to cut through the tension with humor, but to each their own).
At the leadership level, tension increases with the stakes. Budget tradeoffs, strategic pivots, personnel decisions. You have to hold your opinions with enough conviction to protect what matters and enough openness to truly listen. That balance is learned over time and something we're always working to improve.
